Recently, I was emailing with some other MOGs (Moms of Girls) about commercial culture and provocative clothing and various other beasts at the door. It was one of those exchanges that moved from worry to rant – in a good way – undoing a few of the granny-knots that we lash in our bellies when our babies become kids.
My friend Robin (http://www.RobinChotzinoff.com ) went off on a lovely riff about keeping kids imaginative by keeping them free of socialized group-think. (Hers was more graceful than my rather academic synopsis, but there you go.)
This is my slightly amended response:
We’ve been pretty top-down bossy in these realms, too.
No “characters” on lunchboxes, sneakers, backpacks and the like. I tell the girls that I’m not keen on companies using their bodies as ads, and they seem to totally get that. They’ve never asked me to change my tune on this, although sometimes it’s pretty flipping difficult since there appear to be about three pairs of generic shoes in all of Austin.
On a related note, I lived ‘til I was 8 without television and I seem to have survived, intact (no comments, please, about the appalling lack of 1970s cultural references in my vernacular). So… same goes with TV for our girls. Zippo, unless they’re sick or it’s family movie night. And even then, the oversight is rabid with a leaning toward PBS or cool Japanese animé. So far, they seem relieved to have had parental filters. Honestly. And when they have found themselves in front of commercial TV, they reel and fume at all the interruptions.
All that said, they’ve both mentioned wanting “a laptop” in the last year or so. (I mean, a 5-year-old, wanting a laptop. You’ve got to be kidding me!) And on top of that, I worry about my own consumptive habits… what I spend… what they see me spend… what my ‘errands’ constitute. Do I message out of both sides of my mouth – anti-commercial idealist here, Mall-of-America wunderkind there?
(Note to self: Revisit those old lessons on want vs. need. http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.html )
So anyhow. There’s the addiction of “want” and then there’s the sexual baby blitz. Did you hear that interview on Fresh Air (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6549015 )with Ariel Levy who wrote about the rise of raunch culture? ICK. If I never see another Bratz Doll again it will be too soon. Honest to god. Bratz make you want to invite Barbie to dinner!
I am brazenly loud and opinionated about this issue too and, so far, our girls agree with me. Our house is home to neither Bratz dolls nor high-heeled shoes for elementary schoolers. (Come to think of it, I’m not exactly living in Manolos myself.) They don’t even want their ears pierced unless it’s “in their sleep”. Elder daughter builds her wardrobe around cultural themes, and younger daughter dresses so that she can hang from the monkey bars without losing her favorite flip-flops.
Lest you think I’m going to permanently tuck myself into this comfy quilt of delusion, I KNOW that someday (soon), one of them is gonna push my buttons in this regard. We’ll see what I go to the mat over…
In the end, though, I’m with Robin. A mama’s imperative is to do everything possible to keep these vital, young imaginations alive and well. All of the media and technology and sugar and belly shirts just serve to bury the good stuff. Clear it out, and we’ve got fiery girls with great ideas.
Each fall, as I send ours off to school, I think, “Teach ‘em to add, teach ‘em to spell. Just don’t tamp ‘em down.”
What will happen when my not-tamped-down daughters hit 12 or 14 and are ready to rumble? I have no idea, but I hope they take it up with society’s scoundrels and not with me.