This morning I gave myself an instrumental playlist — some Hawaiin slack key guitar, a couple of pieces from the Il Postino soundtrack, and a little jazz.
I wanted to be able to properly curse the ragweed while I ran, without lyrics getting in my way. But lo and behold, last night’s rain dampened the ragweed. Sneezes were few and far between, and curses were not necessary. So instead, I thought about stuff.
Like: it’s that time of year again. And I don’t mean ragweed season, though that’s significant, to be sure. I mean, the wild ramp-up from the lazy-hazy days of summer to that time in midwinter when nobody can stop to have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with anyone else because we’re all too freakin’ busy, and the kids’ events and programs, which we (ahem) signed ’em up for, have taken over our lives, and we’re binging on vitamins, minerals and caffeine when really all we need are a nap, a bath and a good game of cards. Y’know? That time of year.
So here’s the thing. I’m not doing it this year. No, I really mean it. This summer I turned down a nice job offer, and doing so reminded me that we really do have a say in how we spend our days. And that over-committing is a choice (albeit a lousy one). And that sometimes what our kids really need, even more than learning to walk tightropes or becoming tri-lingual or trying out for the Olympics, is space. Space and time. And I’m pretty sure that’s what we really need, too.
It’s like a knee joint, right? What a clever machine, but if the cartilage pops or gets all worn down, it’s gonna be bone-on-bone and that ain’t pretty. (Sorry for the clumsy analogy, but remember, I was running when I was sorting all this out so it seems apt.)
Now friends, what’s the magic answer, other than knee surgery? How do you stay productive (like, I’ve got four manuscripts that deserve my attention, and a husband, a couple of daughters and three pets who’d all like a piece of me, too) and at the same time, stay breathing and balanced? How do you know when to say yes and when to say no? How can you be sure to get enough sleep? How do you build enough time for day-dreaming into your writing life? And what about the naps, the baths and the good games of cards?
There was a poet once who said something about time being “the coin of your life.” I’d like to become even more mindful of how I’m spending mine. How about you?
I hear you loud and clear, Liz. It’s really tough to prioritize and slow down when everybody around you is marathoning through their lives. Kudos to you for realizing that the quality of life is more important than the quantity of so-called accomplishments we rack up. I wish there was a magic answer. For now, I’m going to mellow out with Keola Beamer. Thanks for this reminder.
because when I get unbalanced, I fall apart in terms of sleep, schedule, priorities
BALANCE
(said someone who is now unbalanced from lack of sleep, and will pay for it by going to bed at 6 tonight)
Stillness
I have often said that I think kids need time to get BORED. It’s out of that boredom that they find their creativity –sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing. But I’ve learned after way too many years spent running as fast as I can after whatever elusive goal there was at that moment, I somehow lost the ability to be still. I had to consciously work to get it back and now, in that stillness, I find my creativity, the voice of God, the serenity I crave. (I’m sorry this sounds like a Depends commercial but you know what I mean.) Anyway, I hope my kids don’t have to rediscover the beauty of stillness, but rather that they always know they need to make that time and space for themselves.
I’m glad to find you again, Liz. Thanks for coming by my blog today.
Barb Cooper
Three pets? I’m impressed. It is hard to stay balanced, isn’t it? Great post, Liz. This is good to remember.
pause
We moms also need to remember that there are other moms out there who can do and heck, even want to do, some of the volunteer stuff. Part of us wants to raise our hand every time a teacher or a pta leader or school principal puts out a call for help. Pick me! Pick me! We cry out. Sometimes we can just sit quietly and wait for someone else’s hand to go up – maybe even someone who has always WANTED to volunteer. Next time I see you I’ll remind you to PUT YOUR HAND DOWN LIZ!!! Thanks for the reminder to pause.
Wow. See, I’m preachin’ to the choir here. But at least there IS a choir. Right? I mean the idea that we’re supposed to get bored and balanced and still and that we’re supposed to put our hands down sometimes. Crazy, don’t you think? How that all almost feels like sacrelig??? OK, off to the hammock. The whole lot of you…