Wow, I feel like I haven’t seen y’all forever. I had to miss the June prompt thanks to life, but I’m showing up this month, brave and fumbling.
Our assignment for July was to write a villanelle (and for more on this gorgeous, French, fixed form, see here) to the theme of dichotomy. Well. I brainstormed opposites. I considered conflicts. I thought the flip side of the same coin, comparing apples and oranges, things as different as chalk and cheese.
But then I remembered this therapeutic modality — Dialectical Behavior Therapy — that asks patients to cultivate habits like mindfulness and distress tolerance, in part via a willingness to hold more than one truth, to accept seemingly contradictory ideas or circumstances. This is, it’s fair to say, not easy. But ok, then. Neither is writing a villanelle! Here goes, anyway. (*A note: I cheat a little at the very end, changing one of the fixed lines. But I figure since Dialectical Behavior Therapy aims for both acceptance and change, it’s meta-acceptable!)
Two Truths
(for my child at 20)
Liz Garton Scanlon
I hold two truths, brand new and grown,
as you stretch further from your source,
inscrutable and so well known,
loose like water, set as stone –
no law in place to be enforced.
I hold two truths, brand new and grown.
I would not ask you to postpone
but might you want a change of course?
(Inscrutable and so well known.)
In loving you, do I condone
both this and that, both cart and horse?
I hold two truths – brand new and grown,
each preconception now, dethroned,
my hopeful heart filled with remorse,
inscrutable and so well known.
But I am just your chaperone –
you are your own – a vital force,
remaking truths – brand new and grown,
inscrutable and so well known.
We are beyond tickled to welcome the amazing and eloquent Mary Lee Hahn to our ranks this month! Her retirement from teaching freed up a little space in her life, and here she is!
See also poems by:
Sara
Tanita
Laura
Tricia
And Poetry Friday is at Sloth Reads (thanks, Becky!)
Now, what’s next? For August, we’ll be working on WHAT THE _________ KNOWS poems, in the style of Jane Yolen (see here). Joyce Sidman uses a similar form for her poem What Do The Trees Know, and she explains it well in this blog post (scroll down to the end). Please try it with us if you’d like!
That’s all, folks. Stay safe and well — Liz
Liz,
Well done! You did it. I love the two truths in your poem–that brand new baby and an adult–one and the same.
One of my favorite lines, which every parent should learn:
“you are your own – a vital force,”
Beautiful!
That is the scary part and also the relief, right?
“meta-acceptable” is my new mantra 🙂 This poem aches with parent-child truths, that we will always see them, newly born and now, always know them, and know them not at all. It hurts, and it brings joy, and your poem captures that beautifully.
It hurts and it brings joy. Sometimes all at once.
I absolutely love your villanelle. While my daughter is not really all that close to adulthood, your poem still struck a chord with me–she starts middle school in a few weeks. While it is exciting and wonderful to see her growing, learning and making decisions, my heart aches a little for that little girl and the difficulties she’ll be going through as part of the middle school growing process. Thanks for sharing!
All we can really do is learn and grow alongside them. Somedays are easier than others….
Well looky there–in your two cohabiting truths for 20 (and my 18 and 22)I see a version of my One Difficult Truth, and doesn’t it seem as though the most interesting place is between the two opposites? We are all remaking truths again and again. Beautifully done,loose like water, set as stone.
“the most interesting place is between the two opposites” — could be the title of the next poem, right?
“As you stretch further from your source,” and “I am just your chaperone,” are two of the most gorgeous lines explaining motherhood I’ve ever read. Definitely meta-acceptable, and I really feel I’m going to read more about Dialectical Behavior Therapy now, too. Here’s to both acceptance and change.
So much of it is the stuff we already know we should do (practice mindfulness, for example) but it is the holding of the poles that feels most relevant to me lately — whether I want to or not!!
Oh Liz. Chaperone. Yes. This holding of two opposites in your mind without it blowing up…When I was “struggling” to choose donut flavors from my fav bakery recently, and I thought about the refugee camp we visited in Cyprus, and the homeless kids we’ve seen, and I felt like the worst person in the world. Or loving someone while hating a specific action or something. Or not wanting war and violence while actually wishing a certain leader dead…it really is difficult reconciling all the parts of our minds. I love the yearning in your poem!
Yes, all of it. Almost impossible to reconcile! Although sometimes I think it’s just a matter of using “and” instead of “but” — there, voila, I’ve held both truths!
Beautiful, Liz. As the mother of a 21-year-old, I especially appreciated “you are your own – a vital force.” Amen!
That’s the hopeful truth of it in the end, right?
What a wonderful poem. You’ve really captured that feeling of parenting as the ultimate lesson in learning to live with dichotomy – of our own memories of the tiny babies they were and the hopes and dreams we had for them alongside who they have become and the hopes and dreams they hold for themselves.
Thanks for sharing this!
Such a lot to hold and live with…
Wow. The challenges of parenting were the perfect choice for your dichotomy. Your repeating lines are gorgeous and I absolutely endorse switching up one of those lines (since I did it, too)!!
Cheaters R Us!!
Liz, this line is so unique-I am just your chaperone (parents as chaperones on the road of life). Your truths ring loud and clear making your poem a strong one. I hope many more parents read this one of yours.
Keen topic to take on for your villanelle Liz, my daughter is 21, so I’m very much there and been there with my son who’s 5 years older. The turn in your last stanza works so well too— letting go… thanks!