I am smart to be raising daughters around women who devote more of their time to hiking than hairspray, art than eyeliner, politics than pills.
I am lucky to have an abundance of fresh and healthy and delicious food in my fridge and on my table.
I am blessed to have two girls who are tall and strong and, so far, relish the bodies they’ve been given.
But.
But, I am still mindful of the fact that I hardly know a woman (and that includes the hiking-artist-activist type) who wouldn’t say she’s had body image issues in her life. I hardly know a woman who can’t reflect on stages of awful awkwardness and self-loathing. I hardly know a woman who hasn’t envied another her hips or abs or thighs.
Objectively, there is so much to love and revere, isn’t there?
The way we can climb mountains and move futons and pull weeds and have babies?
The way we can heal our own colds and strengthen our own weaknesses and survive stress and loss and trauma?
The way we can age well with just a little good sleep, good food and brisk movement?
But subjectively, we are a people with harsh and critical eyes.
We are riddled with flaws and if you give us the opportunity, we’ll tell you about them.
We find it hard, most of us, to love our bodies without condition… to relish them the way my daughters still do theirs.
Which saddens me.
Honestly, I’d like for my girls to sit around with your girls in their college dorms someday and talk about something else.
Y’know — their majors, their favorite candidates, their plans to travel to Argentina or Alaska in the spring.
Instead of what size jeans they hope to fit into by Christmas or whether the girl down the hall has bulimia.
Right?
I have a lot of thoughts on what may help turn the mirror on its side, but I’m no expert.
There are smart folk who have devoted their entire professional careers to researching how women perceive their physical selves and how those perceptions can change; how women are influenced by the images we are shown in the media; how women feel about other women.
It’d be a good idea if we all read up on this stuff and left Cosmo and Glamour to others.
It’d be a good idea if we just started loving up our own selves as examples.
And it’d be a good idea if we checked out this book.
(Click on the book itself to preview the gorgeousness that is inside. And then, if I may be so bold, order it…)
Liz, I’ve loved so many of your posts, but this has to be my favorite one ever. Why are we all this way? It’s insane, and yet I can’t figure out how to make it otherwise.
Guess it’s up to women like you who are raising daughters. (No pressure!) I’d love there to be a day just like you described, where we can all talk about something else besides how fat or thin we feel any given day. It drives me nuts, but I don’t know how else to be. Lead the way!
Really, Robin? Thanks…
Sorry, though, that the subject’s grim. I mean, doesn’t this seem like something we’d have evolved beyond by now??
That book looks wonderful.
On the bright side, my daughter told me the other day that she loves her butt. Me, too, I said.
Can I be your daughter, Sara?
So true! I have three teen daughters who talk more about boys than body issues. Hope that trend prevails…or maybe not, lol.
KYM
Now there’s a deal with the devil for ya. Oi…
agreed
thanks for the post. my girls’ tv viewing is highly restricted because of these types concerns. the book link isn’t working for me.
the manatee/winnie the pooh comment at the end of your sports week was mine. having some real fat pride and genuine self/body love, i believe, is a very nice gift from women of all sizes to other women and girls of all sizes. be fat and fit. love your thighs. turn off the tv.
RIght now both my girls think their bodies are just perfect – they’d be happy to run around the house naked all the time if I let them. Given my history of anorexia, it breaks my heart to think that at some point they will start finding fault with themsleves. I’m hoping I can teach them lessons other than the ones I learned as a teen.
argh. That was me – Ms. Anonymous.
hokgardner